Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
