I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
