spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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