butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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