I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
