Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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