i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
