I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
