Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
