There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
