I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize