were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
