Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
