like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
