so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
