Yo dont text me then not text me
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
