I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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