Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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