KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she peed on how many people?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
