i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
