Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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