i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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