do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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