did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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