he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
