dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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