did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
