Plan B is the new Plan A
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
