i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
