2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
