There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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