Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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