she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
