make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize