got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
