I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Everyone says I win the strip club
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
