Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
