Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
