No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
