So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I wish I only lived at night.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
