i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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