I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize