i don't like sucking hair
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
