# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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