The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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