I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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