Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
