It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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