he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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