Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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