that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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