I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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