I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
