She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He felt like a one man threesome
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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