I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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