Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
