I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
