i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
