And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Someone shattered a urinal.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
