I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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