I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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