walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
bring money and cleavage
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
