New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
