Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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