The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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