Please, let me fuck your mom
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize