i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
