Pants 0. Shit 1.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
