Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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